SECRETS

I BARED MY VEINS
WHEN I SHOWED YOU MY SHAME
THINGS I SWORE I WOULD TAKE TO MY GRAVE
HANDED TO YOU LIKE THE WORLD'S SHARPEST BLADE

BUT YOU HANDLED WITH CARE
ALL THAT I SHARED
YOU MADE ME FEEL LOVED AND ACCEPTED
YOU ARE LOYALTY PERFECTED

YES, I BARED MY VEINS WHEN I SHOWED YOU MY SHAME
AND IN RETURN YOU GAVE ME YOUR NAME
YOU GAVE ME LOVE, A LIFE, A HOME
HELD ME IN YOUR ARMS AND MADE ME YOUR OWN

YOU KNOW THINGS ABOUT ME THAT NO ONE ELSE WILL EVER KNOW
I'VE SHOWN YOU PARTS OF ME THAT I'LL NEVER AGAIN SHOW
I GIVE YOU ALL THE LOVE AND TRUST I HAVE TO GIVE
I GIVE YOU ALL THE LIFE I HAVE LEFT TO LIVE

ALL WE HAVE BUILT IS CEMENTED WITH TRUST
LET THERE BE NO SECRETS BETWEEN US ~


I wrote this tonight for my husband Noah.

Ten Thousand Suns (because that's the best number)

ten thousand suns
no, ten thousand and one
suddenly the clouds roll in
the light begins to dim

bursting lava glowing
a molten river flowing
and when it reaches the sea
it turns cold and hard as can be

a fireplace crackling bright
burning logs all through the night
until the flames die out
leaving chilly air all about

you're my ten thousand suns
and I miss every single one
each time you go away

you're my ten thousand suns
without you I can still have fun
but it will never be the same

yes, you're my ten thousand suns
you even threw in that extra one
and I love you more each day ~


This is a silly poem I wrote for Noah about the separation anxiety I sometimes have.

R.I.P. Tee-tee

I had to euthanize my grandma's dog on Monday. She was a sweet little Yorkie. We called her Tee-tee or Ticky. She was my best little buddy when I lived there. She always rode shotgun in the car and we went for a lot of rides together. She will be sorely missed by everyone who loved her. She lived to a ripe old age of about 13 and her suffering is over now. Good-bye little tee, I will miss you :(

Happy Thanksgiving!

Things I am grateful for:

• my loved ones - this includes family and friends whom I hold dear to my heart



• the love of my life - I have to single out Eric, the man of my dreams and love of my life



• my cat - Komisk is really Eric's cat, but he's sorta become mine too



• a roof over my head and food in my belly



• my lovely car - it has a distinct foul ordor I can't get rid of but I love my Focus



• Blogger - it is so user-friendly and I just love writing on here



• my awesome camera - I don't use it much but I still love it



• Christmas/Holiday music - yes, I've already started listening to it. I just love it!



• music in general - couldn't live with out it!



• books - couldn't live without those either. I'm thinking of re-reading the Twilight series.



• TV shows - I could live without them but I sure appreciate the heck out of them. I like them better than movies these days.

I can't think of anything else although I'm sure I'm leaving something out. I want to hear what you are thankful for. Please share!

Haiku Help

If you have a photo you think I should write a Haiku about, send it to ang3553@yahoo.com.
Keep in mind most Haiku are nature themed.

Thanks!

Haiku of the Day

beautiful wood nymph

creatures of the forest all

rejoice in their home

Ancient Times

talk to me of ancient times
lay still my love and sleep
and of the things you dream
let there be ancient times
of love and valor and splendid risings
and when you can sleep no more
we'll talk of ancient times
when things were simple and love was pure ~

Quote of the Day

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words
become superfluous.

- Ingrid Bergman

Haiku of the Day

when the earth was still

I saw a pattern emerge

like a liquid gold

Haiku of the Day

The last post was my 200th post! If only each post was an awesome poem worthy of being published. Oh well, it's still quite a feat. Here's my haiku of the day.

pretty pretty leaves
floating in the clear blue sky
nature's works of art

Haiku of the Day

oh the country road

curving and winding its way

through the heart of all

Haiku of the Day

a path in the woods
is a mystery waiting
to be solved by you

Walk With Me

walk with me, if only for a little while
you hold my heart when you hold my hand
sit with me, if only to make me smile
you're the one thing I can't land
walk with me, if only for a minute or two
my heart and mind are calm when I'm with you ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

More Haiku

the morning light shows

silhouettes of trees and rock

echoes of the wild

The Path in the Woods

I found a path in the woods
it curled around a giant oak tree
I followed it not knowing where it would lead
it took me past fields of wildflowers
and a gentle rolling stream
it took me past a doe grazing lazily
and finally ended at a wall of stone
but I was not defeated
I climbed the wall and continued on
I made my own path in the woods
to explore what lies ahead of us
is what life is all about ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

Among the Lavender

I stopped in a field of lavender
for there my spirit lie
among the scented flowers
my heart it soared on high

I dipped down to pick a sprig
as gentle as a breath
then I lay down and slept
lost in its depth

my lovely field of lavender
my heart sings the joy of your years
and when I come to leave you
my soul will weep lavender tears ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

5/30/14 - LOL I don't even remember writing this. It's amazingly terrible. :D

Haiku of the Day

let the stream of life

pouring over mossy rocks

pour into my soul

Quote of the Day

Like a golden beacon signaling on a moonless night, Tao guides our passage
through this transitory realm. In moments of darkness and pain remember all is
cyclical. Sit quietly behind; your wooden door. Spring will come again.

- Loy Ching Yuen

This Time

I'll take my time this time and get it right
forget everything I've done before
I'll paint the Mona Lisa this time
they'll be knocking down my door
I'll be the first to cross the finish line this time
no more last place for me
I'll climb to the top of Mount Everest this time
and glide down on my skiis
I'll sing like Pavarotti this time
the audience will shed tears
I'll sail around the world this time
they'll remember it for years
this time it will be about me
I'll get it right this time, you'll see ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

5/30/14 - Because deep down don't we all dream of doing something incredible? I usually set lofty goals for myself.

Haiku of the Day

the amethyst sky

mourns the passing of the day

welcoming the night

Lovely Your Light Beneath My Door

lovely your light beneath my door
I trace its edges smooth
I walk in places unexplored
and look up at the moon

if I should ever leave this place
my boat would set adrift
I'd never look upon your face
or feel your subtle shift

so here I'll stay in this dark room
staring at the floor
nothing in this shallow tomb
but your light beneath my door ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

The Waterfall

I traversed a waterfall
lost in the misty spray
I thought about it all
how we come to live
how we come to die
and the biggest question of all
why?
behind the wall of water
licking at my shoes
I sat and dreamed of answers
what had I to lose? ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

The Road Not Taken

by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

The Mountain

lonely as the mountain standing by itself
he walks beneath her vested charms
for his virtue put upon the shelf
now rests solely in her arms

in a clearing he stops to rest
and removes a single glove
he holds a wildflower to his breast
and whispers words of love

darkness falls across the land
he surrenders to its call
and drops the flower from his hand
it flutters in its fall

his body sags as he retires
and wipes a tear drop from his eye
for the land that he admires
will surely one day die ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

5/30/14 - What the?? I don't even know what the hell this is. lol

Haiku of the Day

said the butterfly

"look how beautiful I am"

and so we all did

She Walks in Beauty

One of my favorite poems, written by Lord Byron


SHE walks in beauty, like the night

Of cloudless climes and starry skies;

And all that 's best of dark and bright

Meet in her aspect and her eyes:

Thus mellow'd to that tender light

Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,

Had half impair'd the nameless grace

Which waves in every raven tress,

Or softly lightens o'er her face;

Where thoughts serenely sweet express

How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.


And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,

So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,

The smiles that win, the tints that glow,

But tell of days in goodness spent,

A mind at peace with all below,

A heart whose love is innocent!

Haiku of the Day

the moon in the sky

lonely as my heart tonight

the stars are my tears

The Blank Page

I love the blank page, whether on my computer screen or actual paper. The possibilities are endless! And since I can't draw or paint, I choose to paint with words. It's my only creative outlet. So here's to the blank page! May I always be able to fill it with something beautiful.

Running Into You

walking away from a love I thought was true
running into you
now the sun is brighter
now my worries lighter
now the grass is greener
now the air is cleaner
It's amazing what one person can do
running into you

running into your arms
protect me from all harms
running into your bed
erase the tears I've shed
now your love I've tasted
erase the years I've wasted
imagine me without a clue
running into wonderful you ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

Ashes and Dust

your chair crumbles beneath me
nothing here to hold me up
I melt in your fire
burn away what's left of my heart
to ashes and dust
ashes and dust ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

The Vampyre

cloaked in darkness black
eyes closed and jaw slack
inhaling the night's damp air
stalking the streets without a care
the scent of blood fills every pore
it hungers him to the core
he turns to look upon his latest prey
her weary eyes are dull and grey
she stumbles ever so near
unaware she should feel fear
he quickly pulls her into the dark
careful not to leave a mark
he silently drains her life
more lethal than a knife
she slumps in a heap to the ground
he carefully walks around
and goes about his evil deeds
the hunter who kills and feeds ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

A Tribute to Mozart

dainty notes, whimsical faeries
floating across the page
sudden burst of strings,
serious and strong
crescendo leading up to nothing
as it drops off a cliff
landing on a bed of feathers
soft and gentle, cool and dreamy
then notes dancing merrily,
doing a little jig
decrescendo, then
ending on a tender, drawn out note ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

My Poetry

It suddenly occurred to me why my poetry is so bad lately. I've stopped trying. I just write down whatever comes to me, hastily, without taking the time to form the words into something beautiful. It's like pottery, you have to stroke the words, shape them into something that makes sense and is pleasing to the eye. I've lost my artist's touch. I'm going to keep writing anyway until it returns.

Alone

silence, silence
ringing in my ears
clock ticking on the wall
a lonely battle cry
darkness creeps over the room
as still as a deep well
and turbulent as my dreams
tired of the sound of my own breath
I scream
so I can hear something
to cover the sound of the clock
ticking ceaselessly
to know that I am alive
to not feel so alone ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

Haiku of the Day

flowing with brushstrokes

over a landscape serene

blowing with the wind

Reflections

a pool of water at my feet
reflects the light inside of me
golden hues and copper tones
of mortal flesh and bones
if I should move I am afraid
the light within me will fade
and set aside its mortal host
the parts of me I love the most
so I will stay whole and complete
with this pool of water at my feet ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

You're Beautiful

you are a beautiful person in every way
and I want you to know you brighten my day
I would survive and make do
but I could never live without you ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

Autumn Morning

I'm alone as the night fades from black to gray
the pumpkin colored sun peeks over the horizon
dying leaves rattle in the wind threatening to blow away
and the yellow grass crunches beneath my feet
a gust of cold wind steals my breath for a second or two
the sky is clear but bleak this morning
I hear the crows' raucous cawing in the distance
it has replaced the songbirds' sweet melodies
a chill travels down my spine as I shudder away the cold
and bundle myself up tighter against the wind

thoughts of you seem to thaw me
my mind wanders to walks we've shared
holding hands, lost in each other
I never mind the cold when I am with you

I think of you this autumn morning
and everything suddenly turns lush and green
the songbirds are once again singing
the breeze is light and warm
the sun is glowing turning the sky golden with its' light
flowers are blossoming around my feet
and there's a light scent of lilac in the air
the dew on the grass dampens my shoes
the leaves in the trees seem to float in the breeze
the dismal autumn has been replaced
with a mild and gentle spring ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

Halloween Haiku

black cat in darkness

the moon is spooky tonight

Happy Halloween!

Hope and Fear

I know how it started
I know how we parted
but where did things go wrong?
I've known you for so long
the years stretch into a maze
you were more than just a phase
where do we go from here?
I'm filled with hope and fear
you are all I know
this is a chance to grow
but still I'm standing here
full of hope and fear ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

Another Haiku

like the wildflowers

like the mountains staid and true

like my love for you

The Dream #2

I know not when it began
only that you were there
and we floated over land and sea
the sunlight made your eyes sparkle like garnets
and we held onto each other
afraid of falling from our embrace

night came and still we soared
you were lovely looking down at the city lights
the moonlight revealed wonder in your eyes
and still we clung to each other
to stave off the chilly night air
you kept me warm with your body heat
you were always warmer than everyone else

at last we drifted down toward a city park
we could see everything in the dark
then suddenly you were gone and I was alone
lost and stumbling through the woods
looking for you, only for you
I searched and searched for hours it seemed

then I awoke and you were next to me

let it always be, you next to me ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

Haiku of the Day

butterflies in flight

dancing over nature's green

to places unseen

Time

in the midst of time's trial
time will eat away the bile
rising in my throat so dense
help this all make sense

in the midst of time eternal
in the midst of pain infernal
at the mercy of the clock
anchored firmly at its dock

in the midst of time immortal
I'm searching for a magic portal
transport me to future years
when time will have dried my tears ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

Memories

memories vivid and sweet
ring like bells on faeries' feet
reminding me of days gone by
I think of you and sigh

vines grow high and now replace
the spot where I first saw your face
I play the movies in my head
and dream of you in my bed

the memories will never die
I think of you and sigh ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

Haiku

I'll follow this fence

wherever it may lead me

please let it be home

The Last Poem

this is the last poem I will write
is what I said to myself tonight
it may be long, it may be sad
chances are it will be bad

this is the last poem I will write
I'm giving up the literary fight
it's something I will never win
so I might as well give in

this is the last poem I will write
I hope you understand my blight
I'm hanging up the paper and pen
(but tomorrow I will write again) ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

Haiku

golden reflections

glowing in the dark of night

like honey from bees

Writing

Sometimes things just come to me out of nowhere and I write them down. Lately, a lot of crap has been coming to me. I hate my writing more and more everyday but I keep doing it. Maybe I'm just writing this to let my readers know that I'm aware that my recent writing is crap. Yes, I do understand that. But bear with me, better things are coming. I'm pretty sure. Why not stick around and find out? I'll never be a great poet but I might actually write something worth reading someday!

The Lint Trap

blue fibers, red threads
bare and brittle like my bones
gray fluff of who knows what
empty as my soul ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

The Fight

I wouldn't care to see you today
so why don't you simply go away
I know we've had a terrible fight
but it hasn't been cured overnight

I wouldn't care to see you today
so now you best be on your way
maybe tomorrow we can talk
but not if you continue to stalk

I wouldn't care to see you today
no matter what you do or say
in time I'll feel differently
but today you need to leave ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

The Dream

I floated in the mist
and clenched my bloody fist
I saw it once in a dream
it was torn and broken at the seam
down fast the water came
initiating its brutal game
the current swept me away
I tumbled in the fray
water ran down my throat
as I struggled to stay afloat
torn and broken at the seam
it was a hell of a dream
I clenched my bloody fist
and remembered floating in the mist ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

My Love is a Jewel

I love you in so many ways
perfect like pearls, and round
I'd swim for them in the ocean, for you
my love is the deepest red of the ruby
and the bright blue of a sapphire
fire and ice
fire and ice in my veins
the eternal sparkle of the diamond
the elegance of the emerald cut
the sunset hue of the amethyst
the list goes on and on...
my love is a jewel that can only be worn by you ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

kid stuff

I like yellow and blue
I like you

do you like yellow and blue?
do you like me too?

oh, you do like me!
I'm as happy as can be ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

A Bad Day

so alone
the mind is a solitary prison
its fortress walls are impenetrable
so lost
with no bearings at all
and nothing to grab onto
such a forlorn existence
sometimes it's unbearable ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

Haiku

raindrops on flower

floating on a pond of glass

pretty little thing

The Blizzard

frost gathers on my window pane
I feel a bitter draft
snowflakes blow like grains of sand in a desert
coating everything in sight a shimmering white

words on the page begin to blur
I give a little yawn and stretch
my cat is wrapped around my feet
my chocolate has gone cold

outside the wind sounds hungry
the yard is a blur of white
inside the fire is dying out
a chill wraps around me

reluctantly I set down my book
and shuffle off to bed
I bundle myself in a downy mass
and drift off to sleep with the cat at my feet ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

Berry Wine and Brandy

where have you been?
the taste of berry wine and brandy on your lips
warms my eager mouth
were you careful with your sips
or did you slop about? ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

You and I

I kiss you
your lips are soft as rose petals
our noses touch
I taste you
your skin is salty like the sea
warm and smooth as heated rock
I love when we can be alone together
touching, talking, holding hands
holding onto each other while we can
precious time is short
there aren't enough years for me to love you
I've never felt as alive as I feel in your arms
I never want to die
I never want this to end
You and I ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

Haiku

now the windblown waves

retreat into the vast sea

much like you left me

Haunted

he left me hollow
tossed in the wind like a feather
and just when I thought I found some stability
he returned
and he turned everything upside down
he left me alone
in a barren windswept desert
(the sand fills every pore, you know)
and just when I found an oasis
he returned
I took aim of his chest
pulled the trigger
and now I'm living in a lush paradise

I left him hollow
and hollow he will stay ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

You Leaving Me

goodbye dear friend
blow away like leaves from trees
you leaving me
like wood smashing to splinters
how I feel
goodbye dear friend
tears fall like raindrops on the field
you leaving me
how could this be? ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

Haiku

Oh, Mr.Bluejay

How colorful your feathers!

Stay awhile longer

profiles in the sky

winging on to the unknown

leaving us to cold

Come With Me

come with me
take my hand
follow where I lead
I'll take you to the shore of bliss
we'll walk along wonder beach
the warm beams of love on our cheeks
we'll swim in a pool of ecstasy
just come with me ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

Love's Gentle Embrace

love's gentle embrace is alluring
its hand slides down my cheek like notes falling slowly
I close my eyes and hear the music
it's intoxicating
I'm drifting somewhere far away in a fantasy
where strong arms coil around me
keeping me safe
where warm lips brush mine
leaving a shiver down my back
love's gentle embrace is enthralling
I am captured within it
suspended in the beauty
overcome with rapture
it's unbelievable
it's better than a romance novel
it's all-consuming wonder
love's gentle embrace is delicious
like the sweetest drop of nectar on my tongue
it's unearthly
it's divine
I never want to leave ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

Change

life flows like a mighty river
no sense swimming against it
just grab onto something and take the ride
myself, I grab onto Eric
we take this journey together
enjoying the scenery along the way
it's so much better like this
I find life and its infinite change
more bearable with him at my side ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

Update

Hi there folks! I was just reading my new year's post where I made my affirmations and plotted my course for 2011. I'm nowhere near where I wanted to be, but things are still good. I didn't lose anymore weight, in fact I gained a few pounds back, but I'm still much lighter than I used to be. I met a wonderful man named Eric on February 28th and we are still happily together. This is by far the happiest, healthiest relationship I've ever had. Even so, the depression bug still bites now and then. I'm trying to sleep less and find things to do with my time since I'm still not able to work. I have plans to return to school next year, but we'll have to see how things pan out financially. Once I get my CNA it should be easier to find work. Eric is almost done with his chemotherapy and surgery is around the corner, hopefully by the end of the year. Then he just has radiation and he's out of the woods! Things are looking up all around. I still write poetry when I get the bug, but it's not as good as it used to be. Dunno why? Oh well, it's still fun. That's all for now.

New Beginning

the rain came heavy on my roof
and pieces of me washed away with it
the autumn wind came fierce to my window
and pieces of me blew away with it
the parts that still loved you are gone
and in their place,
the seeds of self respect have been planted
just in time to nourish my new love
I watch it flourish
pure and heady
full of life and all things good
he is my shelter
this is my new beginning ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

me and you

Eric, my love
if I could sail the sea
I'd want you with me
if I could fly the sky
I'd take you for a ride
wherever I go, whatever I do
it will always be me and you ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

Tonight

I'm really in a writing mood tonight. Most of it is shit but it doesn't matter, I'm getting things out. Wish I could write good poems like the old days but oh well. I'll take what I can get.

lovely is my love

my love is round and smooth
gentle but firm
my love is strong and bold
soft and tender
my love is warm and kind
funny and open
my love is lovely
lovely is my love ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

you can't write a poem about a cat

Komisk is my cat.
He eats, sleeps, plays, and shits.
That's what cats do.

desperation

how soothing your words to my prickly pride
what then when words aren't enough?
how convenient your sorrow
will your tears ever dry?
I taste them salty in my tea ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Friberg

you are mine

like the leaves to the trees
like the honey to the bees

you are mine ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

if we two should part

if we lose our love promise me this
you'll never forget our first kiss
you'll hold our first conversation close to your heart
and keep it there while we're apart
you'll never forget the laughs we shared
or the way you gently brushed my hair
you'll never forget the love we made
those memories will never fade
promise me that what we had
was more than just a fad
our love will be suspended in that time
we spent together in our prime
promise me that and I'll be fine ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Friberg

your mind is a wonderland

pull me into your fickle fantasy
show me what you dream
do you dream in color
or icy black and white?
let me be a voyeur to your imagination
what moves you, thrills you, turns you on?
what can't you live without?
I long to know you from the inside out
not like Jonah knew the whale
but like Alice from the tale
plummeting into your wonderland
and when we awake my dear
let me hold you near
and know that you are mine
you are mine ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

more haiku...

she sits all alone

bathes in magical waters

goes where no man goes ~

see the swirling hues

dancing upon the canvas

drawing you closer ~

Checking in

Well hello there,
I haven't posted any updates or written any poems for ages it seems! I've been doing a lot of reading in my free time, mostly historical romance. I've also been caring for my boyfriend who was recently diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing chemotherapy. His doctors are geniuses, his prognosis is good and so is his attitude. I have little doubt that he will be cured quickly. It's still hard though and I'm still dealing with my depression and anxiety which has worsened lately. Had to switch doctors and get my meds adjusted, we'll see how that works. But my hope is to go back and finish my two year degree next year, then start looking for work. Haven't had any inspiration for writing poetry in quite a while. Which is odd because I'm in the healthiest relationship of my life and I'm madly in love. Then there's the cancer thing... you'd think I'd have something to say. I think I've been internalizing everything, which isn't the healthiest thing to do. Sometimes I just can't figure out how to express myself with words, I'm not the best writer. Maybe to get myself back in the mood I'll find an inspirational picture and do a haiku. haven't done that for a long time! Here goes...

let us stand here now

beneath autumn's vibrant leaves

lest they fly away ~

Update

For those who care for an update on me... I'm still trying to lose weight. I say "trying" because I seemed to plateau at 210 lbs. I'm dying to break the 200 mark but I'm trying to be patient. I'm not doing yoga as much as I used to, my interest has waned a little, so that may be contributing to the problem. But the weather is going to be nice this week so I'm going to try to get outside and walk at Elm Creek Park Reserve. As for my children's book, I sent off the manuscript and got one "no" and several non-responses. Oh well, I really didn't expect to get published, it was just fun writing it. In other news, I've met someone special, his name is Eric. It's still very new but has loads of promise and we are very happy :) way to go universe, you sent me a good one!!

The Stone

your perfect words are
soothing
like cool water over smooth stone
sometimes I find myself wanting
to be the stone,
to feel the flow
and know this is my place in the world
just one small stone
in the river of everything ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

The Glass

the glass is thick but still I place my hand upon the pane
the world whizzes by like a galaxy of shooting stars
my head spins, reeling from the flurry of sound and light
shrinking to the dark that tends the fear
singing to myself of times gone by and things that used to be
now fade away like the wisps of fog on the horizon
still in the sadness, safe behind the glass
etched with memories and pain
alone in the sadness, safe behind the glass
and if I had to choose,
more prison than cocoon ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

Fast Food - Yuck!

For some God-awful reason I was craving McDonald's tonight. I haven't eaten fast food in months and I haven't had McDonald's in much longer. The meal is sitting like a lead balloon in my stomach. I want to do my yoga but I'm afraid if I do I'll up-chuck. What was I thinking?? Never again! No more fast food unless it's the healthy menu options.

In other news, aside from tonight's indulgence, my weight loss program is progressing nicely. It looks like I'll make my goal well before the end of the year, unless I hit a stubborn plateau. But I think if I just keep doing what I'm doing and don't give up you could see a slender Angela by summer. Well, perhaps I'll post a pic so you can see. I wish I would have taken a good before photo. Oh well.

What's meant to be will be

I had to remind myself of that tonight. Some things are out of my hands and beyond my control and I just need to let the chips fall where they may. Difficult to do when your heart is hurting and you want something so badly but it's out of your reach. Which reminds me, I was at the grocery store the other day and really wanted these gummy fruit snacks but they were high up and far back on the shelf. I stretched on my tippy-toes but there was no way I could reach them. I felt frustrated and gave up on the damn fruit snacks. Later on I was glad I did because they were pure sugar and high fructose corn syrup and I'm trying to stick to a healthy diet. So maybe this thing I want so badly right now, maybe there's a reason I can't reach it. Maybe it would turn out to be bad for me if I ever got it. Hey, whatever makes me feel better. I can put myself out there but ultimately, what's meant to be will be.

Favorite Songs

Engraved on the back of my iPod:

"Music is an outburst of the soul"

I don't recall who said it but the quote stuck with me. I've been listening to a lot of music lately and compiling a mental list of my faves. So, based on the intensity and duration of my fondness, here are my favorite songs in no particular order. These are all I can think of right now, I know there are more out there.

Bittersweet - Big Head Todd and the Monsters

Tell it Like it is - Aaron Neville

Say - John Mayer

America’s Suitehearts - Fall Out Boy

Let it Be - The Beatles

At This Moment - Billy Vera & the Beaters

At Last - Etta James

A Change is Gonna Come - Sam Cooke

Awake - Josh Groban

The Prayer - Celine Dion and Josh Groban

Float On - Modest Mouse

Free Fallin’ - John Mayer

I’m Yours - Jason Mraz

Kiss - Prince

Video - India Arie

Realize - Colbie Caillat

Remember When it Rained - Josh Groban

Sunday Kind of Love - Ella Fitzgerald

Stormy Weather - Ella Fitzgerald

Yellow - Coldplay

If You Don’t Know Me by Now - Simply Red

Angel - Sarah McLachlan

Need You Now - Lady Antebellum

Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley

Dream On - Aerosmith

I Love You for Sentimental Reasons - Nat King Cole

Slow Dancing in a Burning Room - John Mayer

Summertime - DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince

La Tortura - Shakira Feat. Alejandro Sanz

It's in His Kiss - Betty Everett

Danny's Song - Kenny Loggins

Life's Railway to Heaven - Patsy Cline

Mad World - Tears for Fears (and Adam Lambert's version)

P.S. To shorten the list I left off classical music. But I just realized these are mostly slow songs; I must be getting old. Oh well!

Haiku of the Day

take all life gives you
a king in this life can be
a fly in the next ~

(Just a random Google image)

Quote of the Day

"A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual doom."

- Martin Luther King, Jr.

This is one of my favorite MLK quotes. I see tragedies like the recent shooting in Arizona and feel our nation is spiritually and morally bankrupt. It has happened slowly over time and we are still heading in the wrong direction - reaching for money, power, and global dominance when we should be striving for peace and equality within our own country. Today, the day we observe the great Dr. King’s birthday, is a great day to reach out to our fellow man with love and acceptance. What better way to honor Dr. King? In fact, let’s just act like every day is his birthday.

Haiku of the Day

 

gravity holds us

but wonder keeps us reaching

for starry heavens ~

(Just another random Google image)

Update

So here's a candid look at my weight loss progress. Because I'm bored and like most people these days I tend to over-share. In August of 2010 I weighed 245lbs. (I've been hovering around 240 for quite a few years now.) Today I weigh 212lbs. My goal weight is 165.  That will be a pretty healthy weight for me. When I break the 200 mark it will be the first time since graduating from high school that I weigh less than 200lbs! That's mind-blowing for me.

It's funny, people always ask me how I'm losing weight, as if I possess some secret that will help them. There's no secret and it isn't complicated, just burn more calories than you take in every day. That's the only way to burn stored up fat. I just cut down on how much I eat, I do cardio and weights 3x a week and practice yoga almost every day. If you want to lose weight you just have to start living healthier, but the trick to that is wanting to do it. Willpower and perseverance will only get you so far. For a permanent lifestyle change you have to really want it. I really feel this is a permanent change for me, not just some phase I'm going through. That's all I have to say about it for now. I'll check back in a few months and let you know how I'm doing.

P.S. Hey, today's date is 1/11/11 - cool!

Haiku of the Day

Just picked a random image from Google to inspire my poem today.

what rosy petals
much like tender little tongues

lapping up the rain ~

Be With Me

when the rest of the world is cold
empty of the love you need
be with me
when darkness falls around you
and you can no longer see
be with me
when things don’t go the way they should
and you need a place to breathe
be with me,
just be with me
and face your troubles as a “we” ~

Copyright ©2011 Angela Schofield

My New Year's Post

2010 in Review:

Well, I think I made some big strides this year. In my maturity and in my health. I sought help for some health problems and I'm now getting the proper treatment and medications. I'm feeling a thousand percent better. That was a big first step in the right direction. I also started exercising more and eating less and as a result I dropped 25 lbs. I now go to exercise class once a week and practice yoga daily. It's made a big difference, strengthening me physically, mentally, and spiritually. I've had some setbacks in family relations, but I know the love is still there and time will smooth out the bumps.

2011 Goals:

- Become closer to my family
(both mother and father's side)

- Lose 50 more lbs.
(that would put me at a pretty healthy weight for my height and frame)

- Run 5k
(Right now I can't even run to the mailbox but I might be joining a running group that develops you from walking to running 5k)

- Get my passport and visit Canada
(I've lived very close to Canada all my life, here and in Seattle, but I've never been there! I'm planning a trip this summer.)

Well it will be an ambitious year for me. If I can accomplish even half of those goals I will have accomplished a lot. What are your goals for the new year??

December!

I'm not a religious person but this is possibly my favorite month (weather aside). It's the month of holiday music, Baker's Square Candy Cane Pie, hot cocoa, Christmas movies, gifts, delicious feasts, holiday baking, holiday cheer, good will, peace on earth, etc, etc. Here's a little holiday music to make you smile. Enjoy!

<< music removed >>

Illuminations

Okay, I broke down and bought Josh Groban's new album called Illuminations as an early Christmas gift for myself. I've been listening to it over and over and I don't know how illuminating it is but I know this, those melodies combined with Josh's voice culminates in hauntingly, achingly beautiful music. I would expect nothing less, that's what he's known for. So there's my plug for his new album - go buy it. You're welcome, Josh. Ha, look at me acting as if anyone, let alone Josh Groban, actually reads this blog. Besides, I'm sure he does pretty alright without any help from me. 

My Prayer

I pray you ease the pain of people in despair

I pray you bring the rains to the dry desert air

I pray you give shelter to the homeless in the streets

I pray you bring food to those who don't eat

I pray you bring warmth to those who are cold

I pray you spread joy to the young and the old

I pray you bring peace and love to this world

And to you, choruses of earthly praises unfurl

Copyright ©2010 Angela Schofield

I Travel On

frosty though the roads
and cold the winter snows

I travel on

through dark and icy nights
and blizzard walls of white

I travel on

and during the day
when the sky is solid gray

I travel on

let nothing slow my momentum

let nothing quell my song

I travel on,

I travel on ~

Copyright ©2010 Angela Friberg

Victory Sweet

what started out so sweet

ended in clear defeat

but I didn’t know it was a game

you kept your cards so close to the vest

the king of hearts tattooed on your chest

you wear it without shame

by the time you had your victory sweet

I was a pool of tears at your feet

no mercy, no remorse

now you’ve had a change of heart

I swear, this is the best part

for what’s taken one must pay

now kneel down at the well

of all my tears that fell

and don’t forget to pray ~

Copyright ©2010 Angela Schofield

Getting Ready!

I changed the look of the blog as I'm gearing up for the holidays. Coming soon... holiday music!

P.S. I watched the movie The Bishop's Wife (1947) with Loretta Young and Cary Grant this weekend for the first time. Great holiday movie!

My Secret

you’re a secret I’d like to keep

I turn it all inward

hide away my feelings deep

you’re like a soft place to fall

I land in your calm

quiet my head when I don’t know it all

you’re like a blanket for my soul

I cuddle in thoughts of you

keeps my heart warm in the cold

no one else knows this but me

because you’re a secret I’d like to keep ~

Copyright ©2010 Angela Friberg

Finished!

I haven't posted in a few days because I've been busy finishing up my manuscript. That's right, the children's book is finally finished. It's only 66 pages but I figure that should be enough because I'm completely dry when it comes to ideas and inspiration. It better be good enough. I've contacted some literary agents and we'll see what happens. Cross your fingers for me!

Quicksand

maybe I didn't always do you right
and maybe you were ready for a fight
whenever you came home
just shut up and give me a kiss
because the truth is just this

we're waltzing on quicksand
each step takes us further down
one more step and we might drown
baby hold on tight

maybe you've told a thousand lies
and baby I've tried a thousand tries
to get you to love me right
but you can't get water from a stone
and if it must be known

we're waltzing on quicksand
each step takes us further down
one more step and we might drown
baby hold on tight
just hold on tight

Copyright ©2010 Angela Schofield

I know I swore off poems that rhyme, but technically this is a song. So there.