The Schizo Poem

This simple poem had several incarnations within a single day. So many that I didn't even save all the drafts. In the end I like the original version best, with a few minor revisions. It may be silly to explain the gist of the poem in the last line. It may seem as if I'm insulting the intelligence of the reader, but I'm not trying to, that's just my style of writing. It's a natural pattern and flow that has existed in my poems for many years. (For another nifty example see Prescribed Burn). Well, no sense in changing the formula this late in the game. Silly or not, here goes...

You, sharp and jagged
like rocky cliffs perilously perched above the sea.
A lone rugged lighthouse,
seen but out of reach.
You winked at me.
And I know you feel my energy
like waves crashing over rocks,

unmoved but smoothed with time.
My love is wearing you down,
admit it. ~

Copyright ©2010 Angela Schofield

When I decided to change it completely, this is one of the little gems I came up with:

sharp and jagged rocky cliffs
perilously perched above the sea
a lone rugged lighthouse
seen but out of reach
delicately carved seashells
swirling in the foamy tide
waves crashing over rock
unmoved but smoothed with time ~

What?? and Blah. zzzzzzzz. It managed to suck even worse than the first poem. The moral of the story kids: it's okay to reach for improvement and greatness, but don't lose yourself in the process or try to be something you're not. Lesson learned.